The familiar "Ask Isadora" column that ran for more than 25 years in a variety of weekly alternative papers is no more. I miss writing the old "Ask Isadora" as much as many of you say you miss reading them. Therefore I will print letters and email questions I still receive in the Sexuaity Forum where both you and I will answer them. So, not quite a column in the familiar three or so Q & A's per week, but it is a beginning. We'll see how it goes.
Please email any questions to: askisadora@aol.com or post them in the Sexuality Forum where open discussion of these questions and my answers are encouraged.
Soon I may post some back columns here for those who like nostalgia and those who never had the pleasure of reading "Ask Isadora" columns.
-Isadora
5-14-12
Q: My husband has been working the night shift for over twenty years. Do you have any suggestions for wives like me who love their husbands but are sick and tired of being lonely and frustrated day after day?
A: I have a suggestion for all wives who "love their husbands but are sick and tired of being lonely and frustrated day after day" whatever the cause. TALK to your husband. Tell him exactly what you are feeling but don't just complain. I'm sure after twenty years he has heard it before and possibly tuned it out. Offer some suggestions for solving the problem. Tackle it as a mutual issue to be looked at together, because that's what it is. If one person in a marriage is very unhappy, there is no possibility of it being a happy relationship, no matter how oblivious the other one may be.
5-10-12
Q: I just moved into a new section of town and I wonder how to meet people. I am not a drinker so I don't go to bars.
A: I wonder why people think bars are the only place people meet. Ask a dozen people you know and I bet not one of them met a current friend or lover in a bar. That being said, a neighborhood bar - especially one that provides opportunities to interact such as music, games nights, Trivia contests, Open Mics - are a great place to meet your neighbors. You don't have to drink alcohol. Tonic, soda, ginger ale are all beverages that bars are happy to sell. Try a few neighborhood places on different nights until you find one that's close enough to where you live and seems to have patrons you might find congenial. Don't overlook the opportunity of talking to your actual neighbors in the building or on your street either.
5-5-12
Q: I am a 54 year old woman who enjoys your column. Having friends who've gone through a hysterectomy helped me understand that women are not being informed by their doctors that they will lose orgasmic ability due to the fact that an orgasm is the contracting of the uterus. A co-worker is scheduled for a hysterectomy in a couple weeks and I feel bad for her because she may be another woman who is not aware of what is going to happen to her sex life. Unfortunately I cannot bring this subject up at work because of the personal nature of it, but you can!! I am asking you to please inform your readers about this problem and tell them to get second and third opinions before consenting to the removal of their uterus. So many of these surgeries are not truly medically necessary, and the aftermath is life changing for many women.
A: I agree that's wise to get second or even third opinions before any major surgery. What I would argue with is that a woman will lose her orgasmic ability after removal of the uterus. Not so. In the same way after a prostatectomy a man will experience orgasm differently without ejaculation, generally a very new experience, a woman may (or may not) experience orgasm differently. Many women are not aware of contractions in their uterus on orgasm so its removal has no discernable effect. If a woman is used to feeling those contractions her orgasm will be experienced in a new way after its removal but she certainly can still have an orgasm.
5-1-2012
Q: I was hoping you might take just a few moments to help me with my confusion. Nearly two years ago, I discovered that my wife was having an affair. She never came clean about this or the reasons why she went outside the relationship. My confusion is this: She told me in no uncertain terms that she was leaving me. So I am asking why is she still here? Why doesn't she just leave? Her new man's wife left him, wanting nothing more to do with him. So he's available! The only thing my wife has told me about her continued stay with me is that I ruined her relationship with her new boyfriend by contacting him and his wife, that I destroyed any hope for her to go on with him. My wife has broken the trust I had with her, and now I want her to leave! She tells me to "get over it", or take a pill, or talk to a therapist! Any thoughts you might share with me would be useful. Thank you in advance,
A: Your guess would be better than mine why she's still there. Maybe she has no place else to go. From what you report it doesn't sound like she's staying because she still loves you and thought better of leaving. If you want to repair the marriage I strongly suggest couples counseling. If you really want her out, see a lawyer.